Home Depot, that place is out of control. Every time I go into home depot I feel like I’m in my own garage but their garage just has cooler stuff and is much bigger. That’s the thing though at home depot its almost like no one can help you out, everyones lost. Not only that but its almost like the majority of employees have have no clue what tools are in what section, its almost like anybody could work at home depot. And why is it that when we go at night there's like two employees working there, it turns into like a scavenger hunt for employees rather than a hunt for what we actually came to the store for.
When I go to home depot I always end up bumping into some type of black guy, and theres usually two versions of him. Theres the really cool black guy who doesn’t really care but is still tryna help you and then theres the lost black guy who just embellishes on basic knowledge of stuff and confuses you even more. “Hey Jerome, whats up man I’m looking for a 1 inch PVC pipe with a union, my plumber just told me to come pick up a bunch of stuff from here, its for my fountain.” Yeah one inch PVC what are you looking to do? Then youre thinking to yourself, “Run water through it what else you idiot, Im looking to have a PVC sword battle with my cousin when I get home, we’re doing gladiator on our trampoline.” Then you just sigh, trying to stay cool and youre contemplating either finding someone else or just making your own moves and solving your own problems. I don’t know why but it seems like all home depot slash lowes employees do this, when you ask them a question they tilt their torso and neck and talk to another associate who’s super far away and they redirect your question to make it seem like they know. And they usually cut what youre looking for in a few words to not look retarded, “Hey Tom. One inch PVC and a union, fountain project.” 7 times out of 10, Tom has no clue either, but since he got asked from the other side of the store his words are more credible than Jeromes. If he doesn’t know, he’ll say , “Yep” and then add a small piece of information like “Pressurized PVC” or “Schedule 40”. If he does know he’ll start walking towards you, pulling a Jerome on the customer he was originally with.
The worst thing at home depot is when youre trying to decide between two items that are really close, look like they do the same thing but there is just a huge price difference between them. Its usually the white guy who does this to you. “Hey Chris, I don’t know If I should go with the sandblaster or the pressure washer.” “Well the sandblaster is 89.95 and the pressure washer is 149.95.” Yeah I see that but whats the difference? “Depends on what you wanna do.” I cant stand when they say that, its like theyre trying to mess with you. They always pick for you depending on the words you choose, as humans we do this without thinking sometimes. “Um, well im trying to wash my deck, get the color back. “Hmmm so you probably want to go with the pressure washer.” Let me guess If I said Im trying to blast the paint off of my concrete you would have chosen the sand blaster for me. Even worse than that is when they justify the prices based on the history of the products, its like they went from home depot salesperson to home depot head of the marketing department. “Well if you go with the sandblaster itll save you a good amount of money.” Yeah but why is the pressure washer more expensive don’t they kind of do the same thing” “Well heres the thing in 1998 , John Deere bought out Martech Industries, so the sandblaster wasn’t in as high of demand and their market share dropped. So Hydrotech comes in and they want higher market share, so they come out with this pressure washer, thing is its more expensive because theyre a new company.” Once you start getting bored they just go with the better known company, “Look if I were you I’d just go with the John Deere, they’re well known and more reliable.” Ok Chris, thanks for wasting my time and your time. Now go misdirect somebody else in the store.
