Finals Week

I’m a bit worried. Finals week just continues to inch closer and closer and I am convinced that as the days go by, I am literally forgetting everything I have learned. As much as everyone around me is stressing the fact that they have to study “a shit load,” I can’t help but enjoy the fact that since everyone thinks that I’m busy studying, professors included, I have the opportunity to do absolutely nothing. The greatest thing is that I now have an unlimited number of excuses to not hang out with those people that just won’t stop asking to hang out. “Dude I gotta study,” is now one of my most common responses to these eager people that have studied so far ahead of time that they practically have nothing to do.  After a week of leaving class early and sitting around enjoying the heaven-like weather that coincidentally appears out of nowhere during the busiest time of the year, I think it’s finally time to “hit the books,” “brush up,” “cram,” and all those other stupid terms that basically mean study. I make my way into the main study area, and it’s just packed beyond all reason. Students who I have never seen on campus seem to have spawned out of the corners of the building. These dorm room cave dwellers have for the first time taken a trip outside of their room in a final desperate attempt to appear social. They are only here because everyone wants their “great notes.” Let’s face it, they aren’t actually “great” notes, everyone is just glad that someone actually took notes in the first place. As I walk by, I see huge tables filled with crinkled papers, food wrappers, empty cans of expensive energy drinks and a bunch of people that have congregated purely to leech off of who knows the most. I’m thinking these tables aren’t for me. I might try a study room. I begin slowly creeping up on each study room window, peering in only to see a scruffy guy with huge headphones facing the door with his laptop, his lower body concealed beneath the table. He is laid back, with one hand resting on the keyboard of his laptop, while his other hand is somewhere "below-deck." Alright, so may not be surfing the net for porn, as he slides his hand over to his “mouse,” but he is certainly not studying. The thought of this completely ruins the idea of a study room for me so I figure I’ll just move to a more quiet area in the library. I quickly realize that the libraries are always plagued with low GPA adderol “dealers” acting as if they have the real secret to doing well during finals week. As he slowly pulls out a cloudy plastic baggy filled with these mystery wonder pills, he says, “Dude if you need to cram, these will keep you really focused.” While the dealer is finishing up his adderol marketing speech, I notice a few of his clientele approach him. They begin asking him for the pills by using code words like "candy," "advil," and "study juice." These bloodshot-eyed, headache-faking students are most commonly spotted filling every possible seat in the classroom on the day of the test, when you distinctly remember there being three empty rows last class. Unfortunately their pill-popping endeavors practically never work, and they end up turning their head towards you, whispering, "Yo, did you study?"  I finally decide to study alone on my laptop. All of a sudden I realize just how many things you can do, other than studying on your laptop. For the first time in months, I’m multitasking. Switching back from chat windows, to Facebook, to the most addicting games on earth, I feel so accomplished. I have probably typed “Dude you’re distracting me” about five times already, but for some reason I have not signed off ichat. Lets face it, we just love the concept of someone “distracting” us while we are “trying to work.” Now I’m starting to get a little tired as I look out the window and notice that the sun has gone down. How long has it been? I crawl into bed intently thinking, “tomorrow I’m gonna study all day, and really get shit done.” The next day I wake up at the crack of dawn to a classmates raspy voice asking me in their final hours before the test, "Dude, do you got a scantron?" I'm speechless, and i'm screwed.