Phat People

What would this world be like if there were no fat people? Some of the funniest people are fat, look at Chris Farley, John Belushi, and Gabriel Iglesias. Aside from these big comedians, look around you. Everyone has that fat friend who you can go to Chipotle with, or hug when you need a good cry, or just have a good time with cracking jokes. I know we say that the Obesity Rate is rising in the United States but most people don’t care about the Obesity Rate we care about the level below that, the fat people rate. If you’re funny or nice and you’re fat then god bless you, let’s go enjoy a burger together or laugh at that dude running horrible game on that girl. But if you’re mean and fat, then I don’t even know. At that point you either need to start hanging out with nice and funny fat people or go see a doctor. To me a mean fat person means that I can’t laugh or cry with you and I have to watch you be mean to me and other people who aren’t fat or are fat. That’s just messed up, go jump off a balcony.

Snacks and Unhealthy Foods

I always thought Cheetos were funny, like what is a cheeto? Sounds like a native American chieftain to me. “Ey Cheeto! Sky Spirit and Swift Tiger have just returned from hunting, they’re going to hit the sack  and call it a night.” Cheetos are awesome but the orange flavor that rubs off on your fingers while you’re eating them always kind of freaked me out. I mean everyone does that right? They lick their fingers after eating Cheetos but then your fingernails are all orange, its almost like you just made out with an Oompa Loompa from Charlie and the chocolate factory.
I love cheetos, Doritos, hot fries, all that stuff and its so amazing when youre eating it but after you feel like absolute poo. You start grabbing your stomach and flexing to make yourself feel better. But after its all done you usually just lay there like a dead buffalo. Thinking to yourself what the hell was I thinking eating all that? It’s like fast food resturaunts Chipotle and Mcdonalds, people are always so excited to go there like its going to be the best time which it is, at the beginning at least. “Yo, lets go get some Chipotle.” “Dude im so down, I’m gonna get two burritos, extra sour cream, holler at me son.” But then it’s like once you show up and eat the actual burrito and you can barely walk youre thinking to yourself, I need to get on a fuckin treadmill. You know whats even more funny when youre going to a fast food resturaunt with some friends and youre like, “No man I cant be eating that stuff, Im really trying to cut back on unhealthy food like that.” And you always have that one friend who tries to convince you to eat with him because he feels the same way and doesn’t want to feel like a fat ass alone. “Dude youll be fine, just get a burrito like you always do and drop the coke, get a bottle of water.” Yeah you’re right Steven, dropping the coke will only make me feel like less of a fat ass.