Five Guys

That moment in time when I have a five guys burger in my hand nothing really matters. Not my family, my job, my education. The only minutes that really matter are between the time the burger is in my mouth to the time it reaches my stomach. Forget Mcdonalds and Burger King. If I end up dyingI want to be carried in a stretcher with a quality burger in my stomach.

Costco Entry

I forgot my Costco Card tonight so I flashed the back barcode of my empty best buy gift card and got in. I was considering walking in with the random asian family but they were walking too slow.

Walmart Greeters

I have come to the conclusion that the walmart greeters only signed up for that job because 1) their life is boring 2) they like to make passes at young beautiful women 3) they are trying to lose weight by standing around all day.

Aladdin

The movie Aladdin is the basis for all foundations. All of the characters in that movie suffice as characters that you will meet during your lifetime. If a girl does not know Aladdin, any of the characters, the storyline, or what Agrabah is then this speaks trouble.

Aladdin- You, the sexy bachelor looking to go from rags to riches. In successful form you're 'Prince Ali'
Jasmine- Your ideal girlfriend/wifey/companion. Usually troubled, may have a pet (if she has a cat or two shes really troubled)
Sultan- Her father (ideally you want to find a nice guy who knows how to have a good time)
Jafar- The archenemy you encounter during your lifetime. He is usually a douche, tries to steal your woman, use you to find the lamp.
Genie- The mentor or guide that helps you achieve what you are looking for in life.
Abu- Your closest companion who is always by your side in sickness and/or health
Carpet- Your means of transportation which is pretty 'fly'
Iago- Annoying sidekick of your archenemy

Note: One may have multiples of any of these. But remember Jasmine only started hollering at Aladdin when he became a genuine bad boy. So moral of this post is dont be a little bitch.

The Unibrow

There is nothing more beautiful on this earth than a girl with a unibrow. If she looks like shes from the stone age, i'm coming to holler. The thing about these girls is that they are not afraid to express themselves, theyre different. When youre talking to a girl with a unibrow all her signs of interest in you are different from the average girl. If she's straightening her unibrow out or playing with it in anyway shes probably into you. The more amazing thing about them is the cuddling sessions. I love to stay in a day of rain and thunderstorms and run my fingers through her unibrow while she tells me about unique she was when she was younger. Just so noone is confused I should probably differentiate whats different about the unibrow and the monobrow. Many people see them as the same thing but in reality they are 'thpecial' in their own ways.

Unibrow: This is a perfect union of the eyebrows that dips in the center. It is greatly admired and respected on women who wear it with pride.

Monobrow: This is a caterpillar looking streamline of hair that goes from the top of one eye to the other.

If you find a woman who sports her unibrow and shes proud as hell of it this speaks alot about her character. It shows that she has originality and defines herself in her own way. If you want to know how much she really cares about you then after years of nurturing there will come a time where she will have to part her eyebrows like Moses and the red sea. Be her Moses, you will be her miracle.

Nos's Vs. Nic's

This is the two tier system that I created relating to social settings, gatherings, parties, or any outings in general. You usually want to be in the higher tier because you're pretty much more of a Boss than a pawn. Here goes.

Lower Tier
RNOS- Random nigga on the side- Not recognized
TNOS- That nigga on the side- Level 1
SNOS- Some nigga on the side- Level 2
HNOS- Head nigga on the side- Level 3

Higher tier
RNIC- Random nigga in charge- Level 4
TNIC- That nigga in charge- Level 6
SNIC- Some nigga in charge- Level 8
HNIC- Head nigga in charge- Level 10

At the end of the day you always wanna be HNIC and try and stay away from being that RNOS.

Recognized HNIC's: Warren Buffet, Steve Jobs, Brad Pitt, George Clooney, Dwayne Johnson, you get the flow of it.

Recognized RNOS's- Flava Flav, Snooki, Lindsay Lohan, Paris Hilton.

The Shopping Cart

I don't know why but for some reason I am unable to cruise through the grocery store with a shopping cart. The moment that my hands make contact with the handles of the shopping cart I feel like a fat pregnant mom. Yes, I might as well make my way to the pampers/kotex section. I would much rather kick the two gallons of milk from the dairy isle all the way to the cash register than push the shopping cart. If I am with a girlfriend or woman I might consider pulling it from the front but I still will not physically stand behind it and cruise through the store.
My problem with the shopping cart is the whole concept dealing with carrying, would you ever see a guy with a purse? Maybe a fanny pack but not a purse. Here's the other thing, I enjoy walking out of the store and walking directly to my car. I don't have to deal with my cart accidentally rolling away and hitting the 5 series BMW nearby. The shopping cart is just a huge hassle, its an unnecessary burden that I don't have room for.
What about the shopping carts that only have three active wheels, isn't that extremely annoying? I'm using the thing to help assist me in my shopping adventures not to make a screeching noise and veer me to the right or left randomly. I remember one time in my prehistoric shopping cart days I actually spent a few minutes maintenance one at home depot so that I could move buckets of paints, a complete fail if you ask me. At the end of the day use the shopping cart at your discretion but I think the only time I may actually consider standing behind one is if I'm married and my wife forces me to.
If I'm going to spend an hour or two with the shopping cart you might as well put a cupholder on that thing. When I get behind the shopping cart I actually feel like Im operating some kind of vehicle. Stores might as well place police officer carts and ambulance carts in case of emergencies. "Sir this is the third time you've operated this cart while being under some kind of influence we're going to have to suspend your Giant Bonus Card." Or "Ma'am youve been stopped and double parked in this lane for an hour now we're going to have to fine you, oh and why is the safety belt not strapped on your son while operating this cart? Click it or Ticket." Aside from that I have to deal with shopping cart traffic. Like seriously, I just got out of rush hour and now I'm waiting for Linda to pick what kind of pizza she wants for her two sons Joseph and Mark. Just pick the giant brand your sons wont know the difference.
And what about those people that always have to peep into what you have in your shopping cart. Yes, I am buying 5 bottles of multivitamin gummies, they taste freakin good and I need my Vitamin C. I'm not looking into your cart wondering why you bought two twelve packs of toilet paper, do you live in the bathroom? Keep your eyes to yourself you clown.